Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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