Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
