well I can't set my house on fire every night
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
