I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
