i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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