in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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