PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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