Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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