My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The Olympian is in my bed
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
