I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
