He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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