i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
