Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize