Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
