so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
