I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
