And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
