please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
No subtext here. People are naked.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
