we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
