my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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