You can't motorboat a personality
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
