I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize