The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
