yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
