i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Randomize