ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
