I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
