i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
