Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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