I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
