I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize