could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
