literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
