Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He passed out mid-signature
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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