You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm like, not good at living.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize