before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
