Someone shit on the floor
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
