but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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