The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
