Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
