can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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