Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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