I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
