the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
