Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
