Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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