I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You can't just leave with hair like that
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
