Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
