I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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