Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize