So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
