Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
