i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
