p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
