Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I need a burrito and a hug.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
