I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
