she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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