I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
