So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
