cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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