Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
