I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
