Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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