Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
