I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Such a big mess for such a small penis
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
