You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
When did angry sex become our thing?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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