2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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