You're so nebulous sometimes
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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