Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
