Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
