Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
