How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
