I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
