Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
