Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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