Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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