somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
