So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You need a sexual gate keeper
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
