i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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