did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
