break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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