Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
