after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
