he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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