How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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