I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
