I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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