our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
