Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize