his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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