when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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