I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
