Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
