I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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