Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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