i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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