Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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