All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
