this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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