My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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