you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
