how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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